PRE- THESIS SYNDROME!!

Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost

Doesn't mean I'll stop

Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

You might be a big fish

In a little pond

Doesn't mean you've won

'Cause along may come

A bigger one

I often recall the time of 2^nd year when we were to choose our major, how certain I was to opt for Miniature Painting as my major. How convinced I was that it’s gonna prove to be wonderful for me in every way possible. The kind of faith I had in my skills that used to come out from somewhere very deep inside and the attachment I used to feel with the discipline. I never at that point imagined that all of this would fade away with the passage of time and by the final year I would be questioning myself “why on earth did I ever choose miniature for the rest of my life, at least for thesis” a thousand times in each passing second. Probably because I could never visualize all the obstacles that would be coming in my way and the unexpected turns life would take that you can’t do anything about and just flow with the flow.

It’s only been two months since I have discovered that there are other chief syndromes other than just PMS in a girl’s life. Mine would be pre thesis syndrome right now. I’ll put in the picture for you how it affects your daily life.

Initially the dreams you used to have of probably doing awesome job at it would turn into nightmares. In the leisure time that you used to daydream about world tours or being with your spouse will now be taken over by the thought of having a remote control to your life essentially having a fast forward button which you could press to skip all these months, lack of sleep, blooper n all and show you a glimpse of the thesis day so you know your result in advance and then work accordingly.

a. *This is THE ONLY thing that you think about while eating, sleeping driving and even shopping!!

b. *You doze off thinking about it and wakeup with the same thought.

c. *It just doesn’t occupy space in your time at school or mind but the thought of it runs like water n would find its way to every tiny bit gap that it finds in your life.

d. *It’s everywhere; in your conscious, sub-conscious and all the other possible states of mind

e. *Panic attacks n anxiety becomes part of your existence!!

When I was in 2^nd and 3^rd year and used to see senior thesis students, I would pity them.. Completely ignoring the thought of even being in the same position one day. However they would always tell you that it’s not as hard at seems in the beginning. It’s just like any other project assigned to you, once you have the concept clear in your head and it starts evolving, things get smooth automatically..

But again about ONCE HAVING THE CONCEPTUAL CLARITY OF MIND involved in it. The heap of cluttering ideas one day and having a blank mind the very next day is what you’ve to deal with as the first step to it.

But no matter how difficult it may seem in the beginning, I am sure it would not be impossible and one day when ill grow old and look back to this time I’d say “oh crap! I used to whine about thesis, not having a clue how practical life would be a much complicated and tougher version of it”!!

And you'll be lost

Every river that you try to cross

Every gun you ever held went off

Ooh-Oh And I'm just waiting till the firing stops

Ooh-Oh And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

Ooh-Oh And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

PS: thanks to the great lyrics that keep you going!!

Lyrics taken by: Lost – Coldplay.

Life; as WE louve makin it!!

Living in a 3^rd world country, that too known for its terrorism, we tend to seek refuge in various activities to keep our selves involved and mind busy. Yet complaining about stuff from our daily life is a routine…

As the majority of us are housewives and don’t have to worry about going out n earning bread for the family, we gotta find a better way out to put our 24 hours of the day to some better use!! So, We can be most busy by putting all our brain cells storming for keeping an eye on the latest trends n bends.. it doesn’t matter how much we whine about how the fabric’s prices are rising up and how even the designer prints are getting so common that you see every 3^rd lady wearing the same design that you have had planned on wearing to the next girls hangout!! We still go on being active at every lawn exhibition even if we possibly will whine about how overcrowded it was n how they had awful prints with cheap fabric used we’d still have to buy a few pieces to brag to our friends off course!!

Oh in addition to that, our beloved tailors!! How they take forever to stitch our new collections n meanwhile we see 4 other women wearing it =/ even how, after the long linger they’re not stitched to the perfection or the neatness that was required.. even though he was given the season’s bible-gul ahmad’s catalogue along with the design..But We would still give him all the credit if only one of the outfit from a season is much admired by the peeps around!!

Ahhhh!! And the new favorite time pass of everyone around us.. FACEBOOK!! How people didn’t comment on the new album that was uploaded a while back n was expected to have most hits ever n how miss X bitched about the picture in which I looked so hawt!! She’s just jealous of my n my fashion sense!! n how miss Y copied my dress’ design that I wore in pictureZ.. it doesn’t matter at all that I myself took it from XYZ designer’s online catalogue, She copied MINE!!

But all in all We do all of it not to seek any kind of attention or admiration but it’s for inner happiness and self satisfaction.. Don’t us all just louvvee doing it!!??

Photos from a generation long gone

Going through old photographs of one and one’s family is an emotional experience. The older the pictures are the greater amounts of sentiments are aroused. Forgotten memories, events come rushing back to memory; vivid and crystal clear. Join in with the people who share those saved memories with you and the experience becomes richer.

However how does one feel if one opens an album of a generation gone; black and white, sepia and fuzzy memoires on cards………. I recently laid my hands on a collection of such albums. Being an avid fan of photography for daily life events a frequent viewer of my albums I had no idea what a mixed emotional and thought provoking experience laid ahead.

It’s rare in one’s life that a barrage of emotions and thoughts is provoked form such a simple and routine activity. Opening the first few pages of the album I saw my grandparents taking their marital vows. Beautiful, young, shining faces smiling out at me through the black and white. It is difficult imaging your grandparents so young … for me it is yet it fills me with a strange happiness. Following are the infant pictures of my parents, aunts and uncles all dressed in their baby clothes, I am unable to tell the difference between them and my baby cousins today. Next pages have my parents dressed up in bell bottoms and hoods. I can’t keep a smile off my face. Pictures of my grad parents in their farmland and with their first tractor fills me with strange pride.

Suddenly there is a total shift of emotions that I was experiencing, when I saw my parents and some of my uncles celebrating their birthdays and enjoying other parties in the same lawns as I have celebrated my birthdays in my grandparent’s house. Some of the people merry making in these pictures have passed away. However there is something about the smile on their faces and the shine in their eyes portrays lives full of dreams and plans for the future. Other relatives who seem to be close and yet I have never seen or recognize appear frequently. There is sudden realization of how mortal and delicate beings we are. I unconsciously imagine my grandchild browsing through my photographs after I am long gone. These still images hold in them the lively memories of the people gone and all the love they shared. I close the album calming myself down with a thought that life short as it may be has given me same or more love as ancestors before and should cherish all the people and moments while I am living it……